Sunday Scribblings: Masks

In some ways, I'm not so much into matching. An eclectic set of furniture, cobbled together from different sources and time periods can add a lovely sense of personality to a room. I'll wear navy socks with black pants if the difference is undetectable at normal sock-viewing distances (a fashion faux pas that would drive my husband into obsessive-compulsive overdrive).

But when it comes to insides and outsides, I want things to match. Food should look just as good as it tastes. A good book really should have a lovely cover. And I desperately want my outside to match my inside. I want my appearance and demeanor to say something significant about who I am. I believe that first impressions count, even if they're not the only impression that sticks.

Think about someone that you've known for years, someone that you're really close to. Now think back to the first time you met him or her. Is it the same person? When I do this, I feel like I'm seeing two completely different people. Of course, people change. And our perceptions also change over time. But it's impossible to accurately portray ourselves in all of our complexities and subtleties simply by appearance alone.

I don't know what kind of first impression I make. My problem is that I have a handful of "insides" fighting for dominance at any given time. Do I want to be outgoing and bubbly? Or filled with the type of quiet joy that infuses a room with warmth? Do I want to appear professional and poised? Or just quirky enough to have "street cred" as a writer?

Yes! To all of it. I'm all of these things. But my struggle is how to put together an "outside" that can adequately reflect this. I imagine that when my friends think back to meeting me, they remember a completely different person than who they know me to be now.

I rarely feel like my external appearance, the mask I present to the world, matches my internal being. I blame it on my clothes. I blame it on my weight. Sometimes, I blame it on my hair. Most of the time I try to forget the mask and just be me, whoever that is at the moment. Because anything else is just too exhausting.

What's your mask?

Here's what others are saying at Sunday Scribblings.

Serendipity

Life has been so full of serendipity lately that I can practically hear the Universe singing. But my little world has also been full of confusion, sadness, and wounds that won't heal. I'm living a double life. My one face can't see the sun for all the storm clouds and tears. My other face is upturned, scanning the heavens for signs and shooting stars, rejoicing in the sheer magic and connectedness of it all. I'm an emotional Janus. I'm doing my best to hold on to the synchronicity and the magic because I desperately need them.

A few weeks ago I wrote about what it means to call myself a "writer" and to go one step further and use the term "artist." A few days later several of my favorite bloggers wrote similar thoughts on the topic, including this one that introduced me to a book called The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity by Julia Cameron. I posted a note in the comments section noting the synchronicity of our blog posts. Then I went out the next day to buy the book because it sounded just like what I needed.

As I read the opening chapters, I was excited about the idea of connecting with and nurturing my creative and spiritual sides at the same time. I've felt battered and bruised in both of these areas lately and was looking forward to some healing. When I got to the following passage of the book, I had to chuckle at the alignment of everything:

As you work with the tools in this book, as you undertake the weekly tasks, many changes will be set in motion. Chief among these changes will be the triggering of synchronicity: we change and the universe furthers and expands that change. I have an irreverent shorthand for this that I keep taped to my writing desk: "Leap, and the net will appear." (p.2)

Even the introduction of the book contained little bits of synchronicity for me. Cameron writes about living and working in New York and refers to places in Manhattan. I'd just come back from a weekend in the city and was -- for the first time in my life -- familiar with some of the places she described. It felt like everything was converging to make sense for me, in big and small ways. That New York trip itself was full of serendipity, including old friends, an Orthodox nun's prediction, and a new friend who felt like an old one.

What's the serendipity in your life these days?

Sunday Scribblings: Second Chance

Areas of life in which second chances are invaluable and should always be allowed:

• Miniature golf
• Relationships
• Trying a new recipe
• Playing Frisbee
• Remembering someone's name
• Math
• First impressions
• Job interviews
• First dates

Areas of life in which a do-over is a bad sign:

• Surgery
• Dentistry
• Anything involving needles, including tattoos and piercings
• Piloting a flight

Feel free to add to the lists.

It's a bird, it's a plane...

Overheard today in Jen and Eddie's UFO (Used Furniture Outlet):

"Engelbert Humperdinck -- it's not a what. It's a person! You've never heard of him?"

"No!"

"How about Mahalia Jackson? I've never heard of her."

At least it's curable

According to this wacky Dr. Unheimlich's Disease Registry, I suffer from the following: Jennifer's Syndrome.

Cause: drug abuse

Symptoms: bad poetry, indigestion, occasional phantom pregnancy

Cure: psychiatry

This freaked me out a bit, because it's all true. Except for the drug abuse. Which makes the symptoms even more disturbing if I don't have a mind-altering substance to blame.

What's your disease? Tell me in the comments.