In the Thick of It

in my backyard, last fall

My second semester writing work is drawing to a close this weekend, but I'm still in the thick of it. Looking for words in the wilderness, it seems. I've been wrestling with an essay for weeks now, and all I have to show for it are six mediocre pages. I know there's a glistening story in there somewhere, but I can't find it right now. In the past, when I've reached this point in the creative process, I've turned my frustration back on myself and wailed about my lack of talent or discipline. But this time it's different. Now, I can see that my ability and commitment have nothing to do with it. There's nothing wrong with me. This is just the way of things sometimes. It turns out that this frustrating essay has been a gift, allowing me to see that my view of myself and my creative cycle has evolved. (Of course, it took my husband pointing this out to me for me to see it.) This is the ebb part of the creative ebb and flow. I'm tapped out right now. But that's okay, because it doesn't mean I'll be tapped out forever. It just means that for right now, once this assignment is completed to the best of my current ability, I'm going to follow the energy. And that energy is telling me to rest; to watch movies; to sing loudly in my kitchen while I cook and bake; to sit outside, watch the birds, and feel the breeze; to get out of my wordy left brain for awhile and let my right brain take over in images through film and paint; to read good books full of juicy language and let the words sink deep into my bones. My words will come back; they always do. In the thick of things, that's an important point to remember. I'm grateful to have a husband and friends who remind me to that. May you remember the same.

Comments

[juliana]

Realizing that the ebb and flow has nothing to do with your ability is half the battle, really. Maybe more than half. Congrats on learning to listen to yourself and "follow the energy."

[Sandra]

Like the idea of "following the energy". That's how I practice psychotherapy as a therapist. Love the idea of it in the whole of life. Good for you for finding it for yourself right now. Do you ever share your paintings here?

[amelia]

I need to be patient enough to follow my energy- what kicks me in the butt is when the energy wanes, I feel guilty, like I am letting others down- so I push my self too hard. I am trying to keeo my head in each moment these days, being fully present. I hope that you do the same as you enjoy the pleasures that life so richly offers up! xoxo

[Helen (Dixon Hill Girl)]

Hear, hear!

[Lisa]

Thank you for this insightful post, dear Jenna.

Seeing and embracing our life/death/life cycles and listening to our inner wisdom (and that of our husband's!) is such an ongoing life lesson. You've portrayed it perfectly in this post.

Today, I am being called to rest. So that's what I will do. :)

(LOVE seeing one of your very own photos in this post!)

xx

[mrs mediocrity]

Yes, so true, and the best way to approach it...we all need to rest sometimes, even our creative selves...and whenever I do retreat for a while, I always find that when I come back, it is better and I have new things to bring with me, from within me.

[25BAR]

Nice colours!