Creative Courage

on the quad at VCFA (Diana F+, Kodak 400VC-3)

Last night, while feeling twitchy and nervous about writing my critical thesis for grad school, I finally had a moment of clarity about it. Not about the topic itself, but about my resistance to it. I understood, in one of those quick moments of cosmic alignment, that the thing holding me back from working on it -- the thing fueling my procrastination and resistance to the project -- was fear. Fear of not living up to my own expectations. Fear of not knowing how to put the whole thing together.

But wait. This wasn't really the moment of insight. I think I already knew I was afraid. The real stroke of understanding came in the next breath when I remembered the antidote to fear: courage. How about that? The best way to work through fear (at least in this case) isn't avoidance, but courage.

So today I'm doing my creative work with courage. I'm acknowledging that I'm afraid of this project, even while I'm excited about it. (It's called a "critical thesis," which makes it sound so much worse than it is. My topic is all about craft techniques that can create the magic and wonder of writing, so it's really a lovely thing to write.)

Today I'll be kind to myself, admit the fear, and then dive in again, full of as much creative courage as I can find. And if past experience is any indicator, I know I'll find plenty more courage and momentum along the way.

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(Incidentally, I'm also working on these writing topics for Alchemy: The Art & Craft of Writing. Please consider joining me this fall for six weeks of writing inspiration and craft lessons. Alchemy is an online course for creative souls. And if you're reading this, that means you. Class starts October 11 and registration is open now.)

Comments

[S. Baker]

Hey fellow thesis writer, I know how ya feel, and I'm glad to hear you seem to have found a solution to the fear.

I definitely agree with your fear of not knowing how to put it together. What I do have written isn't in any semblance of order. I finally realized that the best thing for me to do would be to get it all down in whatever order it came to me, and make sense of it later. I'm better at editing these types of essays than writing them anyway.

My big fear is showing it to other people. When it's really bad I worry that the professors and such will read it and wonder why the heck they ever let me into VCFA in the first place, because obviously I am bat-crap crazy. I've had to fight this fear throughout the program here, worried I won't live up to my adviser's expectations. But you're totally right, you just have to dive in and get it done.

I wish you the best with your thesis, and keep finding that courage!

~Shambralyn Baker

[kristen]

courage = momentum and that's a beautiful thing.

[Samosas For One]

Your post reminded me of this funny quote I read recently. M. Scott Peck said: “The absence of fear is not courage. The absence of fear is some kind of brain damage.” :)

[Samosas For One]

Oops. I meant to add...feel the fear and do it anyway! Good luck.