Messiness (this business of living)

'Sconset coast, Nantucket, summer 2010

Dear You,

Life is messy here right now, full of literal messes, such as cats with digestive issues, soiled carpets, unpacked suitcases, and piles of laundry. There are also bigger, more amorphous messes, like a paren'ts trip to the emergency room (all is well), and a grandparent being put on hospice care (all is as well as can be). I'm telling you this because maybe it's messy over there, where you are. Maybe if we all said, "Well, shit, this being an adult thing is cumbersome and tiresome, and hot damn, wouldn't it be nice if things weren't so messy?!", maybe if we all said this to each other more often then we'd be nicer to one another, nicer to ourselves even.

I'm also telling you this because I feel bad about not writing here lately. Bad in a guilty way, yes, but also bad because I like to be writing. Writing can make me feel good, but sometimes cleaning up or mitigating the messes edges out the creative energy to write.

I've been trying to write you the story of how I caused a mild cow stampede last week. (I have photos.) I want to tell you about the two new projects that my muse has given me, even though so far she won't tell me anything about them but their names. (So mysetious! So exciting!) I've also been thinking about telling you about the sessions I attended at that enormous writing conference two weeks ago. Oh, and the next session of Alchemy: The Art & Craft of Writing starts in two weeks (April 2), so I want to invite you to join me for that. I've thought about writing about the messes themselves, about how I never really feel qualified to be an adult, about how it's one foot and then another, one day and then another, all accumulating into a life. The trees are about to burst out into blossom here, even though it's at least a month too ealy for that. Spring is pressing in too soon, and everything feels off-kilter, frightening and beautiful at the same time. (This is "the beauty and the shit" that my friend Liz writes about.)

I want to tell you all of this, but tonight I needed to make fish tacos, to mix up some vodka, crushed ice, and lemonade, to sit on the couch eating a red velvet cupcake with a cup of white peach tea. Tomorrow I reckon I'll need to go for a walk, stretch my limbs, and then see if I can dig down deep enough to bring some of these stories to light.

What's going on for you? Is it messy? Sticky? Sharp and pointy? Soupy? Sloppy and slippery? Share your messy self below if you'd like, and we can all share a big virtual sloppy kiss group hug.

Truly madly deeply,
Jenna

Comments

[Katie @ cakes, tea and dreams]

Things are messy over here, for sure. Two family deaths in the last month (though they led to meeting a new cousin I didn't know I had). Long days at work, balanced by lovely evening light as the days grow longer. Lots and lots of great books, and almost no writing inspiration. It's chaotic and messy and real and I'm trying to just lean into it. Big hugs to you, Jenna.